A new perspective

The perversion of time, space and relativity held no mystery for Albert, especially if it helped to annoy Diedre.

In a pickle

Diedre had a sixth sense when it came to the world of vegetable preservation. Albert on the other hand, had no sense.... of his own proportion( s).

Wig

Albert always liked to keep up with the latest trends...
 from 50 years ago.

Mouse Hunt

Certain things annoyed Albert and squeeky clean over cute generic cartoon animals were top of the list.But he knew how to fix it.

Elves hath no fury.....

Albert liked nothing more than to relax in his favourite armchair with a pipe full of old shag.The Elves he could bloody well do without.